TWDF.NET Classics Presents: Ticketing Industry Poetry
Seating Preferences
THERE ARE FOUR SEATS LEFT
ON THE RIGHT SIDE ISLE
ABOUT HALF-WAY DOWNM TO THE PIT,
BUT THE TWO SEATS BEHIND
THE PILLAR IN NINE
JUST REALLY AIN'T WORTH _ _ _ _,
SO DISCOUNT THOSE
AND YOU SHOULDN'T SELL
B-12, WE CAN'T USE THAT,
IT IS RIGHT BEHIND
MRS. JOHNSON/SMYTHE,
THE LADY WHO WEARS THE HAT?
YOU CAN SELL AGAIN
THAT PAIR IN 10,
I'M SURE IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT,
JOE SWENSON DIED
ON THURSDAY MORNING...
THE SERVICE IS TONIGHT,
THERE'S GUM ON THE SEAT ON J-29
SO REMEMBER NOT TO SELL IT,
AND THERE'S BEER ON THE RUGS
AT THE BACK OF THE HOUSE
AND I DON'T WANT FOLKS TO SMELL IT....
I COULD TALK SOME MORE
OF THE DAYS OF YORE,
WHEN SUPPORT STAFF HAD TO WORK!
NOW YOU HUNT AND PECK
WHILE YOU PLAY HI TECH,
AND IF YOU COMPLAIN....YOU'RE A JERK!
-Dave (2/13/97)
When your ticketing software isn't working
What would a stuck seat look like
If the chairs all matched the screen?
Would we have to put in seat belts,
Make them amber, white or green?
I'd laugh so hard I think I'd spill
my coffee on my sweater
If I saw allocated seats
replaced by giant letters.
But real-life seat maps aren't all
fun and games, you must remember!
Just recently, this situation
happened last December:
A patron couldn't leave due to
another "perf-chart" caper,
His ride left hours ago; the
reservation now is vapor.
He swivels to the right and left
and overcome with sorrows,
The seats that all around him stand
have now become up arrows.
What happens next? Will someone help
him get some satisfaction?
Will someone call support and have them
sort out this transaction?
How do we rise our heads and dig
us out of this malaise?
I know! We'll fax him back and say
"We've opened up a case!"
The triage group will cancel lunch
to rank the bugs at noon,
By five o'clock, they're wondering,
will this be over soon?
(They said don't bring a sandwich
since we'll only meet an hour
But Don and I will bring our food;
OUR stomachs won't be sour.)
By six o'clock the calls come in
from hither and from yon
To say that if it's all not fixed
Our clients will be gone!
Don't worry then, we'll make amends
And e're the sun comes rising
Another update we will send
To thwart a great uprising.
I hear you now, did we forget
to do a round of testing?
Well, you can do that late at night
while other folks are resting.
We also need a writeup telling
how the features work,
Or else the trainers on the road
will prob'ly go berzerk!
So, how's our patron doing now,
the one - you will remember,
Who's stuck between weird characters
And has been since December?
I'm please to report, he's quite a sport
And very much alive.
His problem was fixed, and his sorrow nixed
With Artsoft Two-point-five.
The software was great, just a little bit late,
And the staff knew just what to do.
They treated him most courteously:
"What can we do for you?"
The training was impeccable,
And so were all the 'docs',
The patron, so impressed by this, said
Let me buy some stocks!
-Rob Pedersen (2/12/97)